Porn Furnishings: Sleazy Home Décor from the Decade of Decadence

If you’re looking for elegant interiors, distinctive window and wall treatments, and a fusion of classic and luxury design… you have come to the absolute worst place possible.  I recommend you click away as fast as possible, because your sophisticated sensibilities are about to be bitch-slapped by a motherload of sleazy interiors from the late Seventies and early Eighties. Get out before it’s too late!

 

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At the risk of pointing out the obvious, I’ll still go ahead and point out that there’s a toilet seat on the wall.  Even worse, it serves as a picture frame of their children.

 

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Where does one begin?  The Cliff Richard and Kim Wilde posters, the ample booze, the undeniable sense of sleaziness… I don’t know if television’s greatest interior decorator celebs would stand a chance against this one.  I recommend just clearing it out and a heavy decontamination.

 

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The random teddy bear accessorizes the migraine-inducing wallpaper perfectly, don’t you think?

 

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I actually do appreciate this split-level living area.  The stereo in the headboard (?) is particularly nice.

 

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Obviously, this home decorator is operating on the principle that you can never have too many plants.  This is less a living room than it is a terrarium.

 

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The bust of Akhenaten goes well with the madness that is that wallpaper and the generous supply of drink littering every corner, wouldn’t you say?

 

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I’m not sure what sort of bizarre acts are about to be played out here, but that chair/throne and that room go together like toothpaste and orange juice.  The knickknack shelf consisting of a toy car and a miniature liquor bottle don’t help the situation either.

 

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How confident am I that this is the stone cold ugliest bedroom décor ever conceived?  As surely as I am that terrible, terrible mistakes are about to be made.

 

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If you can look past the regretful behavior you’ll notice some particularly regretful décor.  The white thingy on the wall and the parade of coffee mugs are my favorite touches.

 

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Zoinks!  That is some seriously funky décor.  (And by “funky” I mean probably covered in all kinds of funk.)

 

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Here’s another look at this fine interior… Note the hanging macramé fish.  I wouldn’t want you to miss that.

 

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I’m okay with the artwork, I suppose.  It’s the mounted head of some sort of ravenous beast that I have issues with.  This hideous thing will most assuredly haunt my nightmares for years to come.

Before we go, a toast…

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A toast to the singularly sleazy interiors of yesterday.  They were saturated in booze and sexually transmitted diseases, but they will always be close to my heart.

But not too close.  I wouldn’t want to catch anything.