Dick pics are nothing new. Snapshot impresario Stacy Waldman, a leading dealer and collector of vintage photography since 1998, spotted her first Dick pic in 1998 – a snapshot of a man under the word “DICK’. Now you can take home and browse Stacy’s vintage Dicks in her new book, DICKS – available in, ahem, hard and soft covers.
“I like to tell people I collect Dicks. After a questioning look, I explain that I collect vintage photos of people, places and things named Dick. They laugh.
“It all started about five years ago when, when someone would inevitably bother me during the day especially in traffic, and I would secretly take a photo of the person with my phone and post it on Facebook with the caption ‘Dick of the Day’. It as all fun and games until someone recognised the back of someone’s head. I enjoyed having fin, but people are easily upset these days, so I decided to stop.
“Later that day, I was going though a box of vintage photos, when I came across one with ‘Dick’ written on it. It was at that moment a new collection a started and I couldn’t get enough Dicks.
“In those few years, I’ve found cat Dicks, dog Dicks, even donkey Dicks. Some of the captions amuse me greatly as well: Dick Johnson, Hunting Dick, just call Me Dick!, Big Dick, and there is even a Lady Dick.
“As you might be able to tell, I get excited by Dick. ”
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named “Bush”, “Dick”, and “Colin.” Need I say more?”
– Chris Rock
Jane Harper: Interesting that the only two jobs you think I am qualified for are a secretary and a prostitute.
Dick Harper: You’re not qualified to be a secretary.
– Fun With Dick and Jane (1977)
“Just the same old couple!’ said Dick. ‘You’ve got a spot on your chin, George, and why on earth have you tied your hair into a ponytail, Anne?’ ‘You’re not very polite, Dick,’ said George, bumping him with her suitcase. ‘I can’t think why Anne and I looked forward so much to seeing you again. Here, take my suitcase – haven’t you any manners?’ ‘Plenty,’ said Dick, and grabbed the case. ‘I just can’t get over Anne’s new hairdo. I don’t like it, Anne – do you, Ju? Ponytail! A donkey tail would suit you better, Anne!”
— Enid Blyton, Five on Finniston Farm
Ingredients for Spotted Dick
300g/10oz plain flour
10g/2 tsp baking powder
150g/5oz shredded suet
75g/3oz caster sugar
1 lemon, zest only
200ml/7fl oz milk
butter, for greasing
“I want you to leave your incidental Dick, and this awful hole, and come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me.”
– Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
Dick: Oh, heck! What’s the use of learning French anyway?
Bruce: Dick, I’m surprised at you! Language is the key to world peace. If we all spoke each other’s tongues, perhaps the scourge of war would be ended forever.
Dick: Gosh, Bruce, yes. I’ll get these darn verbs if they kill me!
– Batman & Robin (TV series, 1966)
Well, I’m the blackmail man and I know what you do
Every one of you, I’m the blackmail man
You make me sick, make me Tom and Dick
I’m the blackmail man
– Ian Dury & the Blockheads, Blackmail Man
Pontius Pilate: [guard chuckles] What’s so funny about “Biggus Dickus? ”
Centurion: Well, it’s a joke name, sir.
Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called ‘Biggus Dickus’.
Pontius Pilate: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
Brian: Can I go now, sir?
Pontius Pilate: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this!
– Monty Python, Life of Brian
Buy a lovely study of Dick Pics to enjoy at home, buy Dicks at House of Mirth.