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The 6 Worst Halloween Treats of Yesteryear

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After the trick-or-treating is done, it’s time to dump out the sack and check your loot. Amid the piles of mini Mr. Goodbars and Tootsie Rolls, there was always a few stinkers. Here’s a list of crappy Halloween candy from years past (many of which still haunt trick-or-treat bags to this day).

 

1. WAX LIPS

1970

First of all, I don’t like to eat candles. Second, you running around with a pair of fake lips is not my kind of funny. And speaking of eating pure wax – remember those wax soda bottles filled with a micro-liter of colored sugar water? No thanks.

 

2. BLACK LICORICE

The slogan should be: The candy that tastes just like medicine!
The folks at Good-n-Plenty (AKA black licorice’s bastard child) took the next logical step and formed the licorice into pill shapes.

 

3. CANDY CORN

halloween candy (1)

(AKA tri-colored crap)
Who would have thought that pure corn syrup could taste this bad?

 

4. PIXIE STIX

halloween candy (4)

I simply shouldn’t have to work so hard for a few grains of sugar. Maybe I’m a bit slow, but I usually ended up consuming more sopping wet paper than sugar.

 

5. CIRCUS PEANUTS

halloween candy (3)

I don’t know what these vile Styrofoam-like pieces of alien matter are made of, but I am told they are supposed to be banana flavored. Suffice it to say, they are an abomination and should be considered a biohazard.

 

6. NECCO WAFERS

halloween candy (2)

….or as I prefer to call them “slices of chalk”.

I think it’s only fair to point out that candy cigarettes were just as chalky. However, the “cool factor” associated with this candy elevated it to the trick-or-treat “good pile”.

  • Tom Beiter

    Except for Circus Peanuts and Candy Corn, I liked every one of those. And I even like candy corn these days, as long as you throw some real peanuts (not circus) in the mix.

  • sampoerna quatrain

    Amen, brother. I like (real) candy as much as the next guy, but every one of these are crap, and continue to be disgusting. My dad’s favorite candy in the world are Necco Wafers, and I just don’t get it.

  • Lacey W

    Hey, brush that chip off your shoulder Yeoman. Some of these were the staple of our childhoods.

    Wax lips were the perfect accessory when you were playing dress-up but could not use mother’s makeup. And nothing said Halloween and fall like Candy Corn. They were to the holiday like Turkey is to Thanksgiving. As for Sweet Tarts and Pixy Sticks, sugar may have been the bane of your existence, but many a summer was spent running, playing, and puckering up after popping these in our mouths. I STILL steal a Sweet Tart form the candy dish at work now and again.