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Weasels Ripped My Flesh! 10 Awesome Pulp Headlines

By on 7 February 2014 | comments 2

IS there anything better than a mid-century men’s action magazine?  They were chock full of lurid stories and provocative artwork depicting female biker gangs, nympho pirates, Gestapo dominatrices, etc.  If it fulfilled a macho fantasy, it was fair game, and the headlines beckoned men to go along for the ride.  Here are ten worthy examples.

 

THE MAN WHO TOUCHED OFF PHILADELPHIA’S GREAT BOSOM RIOT

Male, Sept. 1959

232_male59sep kunstler

I’m a mild mannered, peaceful kind of guy – not much into protests and insurrection.  That being said, a “bosom riot” is something I could get behind.

 

THE NUDES WHO DECOYED AN ARMY

For Men Only Dec.1957

262_formenonly57dec_2a

The headline is nice, but it’s the subtitle that earns its place on this list.

“In that steaming jungle, the last thing we expected to find was five naked dames playing footsie with a corpse”

Pure genius.

 

ISLAND OF UNSATISFIED WOMEN

True Adventures Feb. 1967

154_True Adventures Feb 1967_0002

In these old action magazines, men were always stumbling into tribes of nymphomaniacs.  I can’t help but think this wasn’t as common as the magazines proclaimed it to be.  It’s been at least a year or two since the last time I’ve inadvertently wandered into a jungle paradise inhabited by nymphos.

 

JAIL BAIT HAREMS OF THE FRENCH RIVIERA

Target, Oct. 1961

157_target_no1_61oct_olsen

The picture is tantalizing fun, but the text is a downer.  The titular jail bait are apparently “now frail school-girls” indentured to creepy old masters. No thanks.  I prefer my mid-century French harem wenches to be of voting age. I do have standards.

 

MY LOVE LIFE WITH THE HOCKEY BUMS

Stag, Feb. 1971

244_stag71feb norem

“They call them ‘hockey girls’ – girls who fill in for the players’ wives when the team is on the road.  ‘Filling in,’ of course, means sexually”

I love how they had to explain what “filling in” meant.  Were they afraid we might think it meant “ironing trousers”? Or, perhaps “picking up groceries”?

 

THE DAMNED FOOL WHO SAVED TOLEDO

Male, Aug. 1958

229_male58aug_ryan

I have to admit, they had me at “damned fool”.  I’m sufficiently intrigued.  Don’t forget to catch the follow up story: “The F***ing Idiot Who Saved Reykjavik”.

 

238,857 MILES OF SEX

Stag, Dec. 1964

225_stag64dec pollen

This, of course, being the distance to the moon…. Which, don’t get me wrong, is impressive.  However, is nowhere near Wilt Chamberlain’s  90,968,000 miles (distance to the sun) or Rolling Stone Bill Wyman’s mileage which has to be measured in Parsecs.

 

CROSS-COUNTRY SEX RALLY OF THE CYCLE GANG MAMAS

Male Annual, 1972

186_maleannual72 cohen

I’m so glad the Male Annual magazine was thoughtful enough to include a photographic insert of a woman’s ass on a motorcycle.  Without that bit of illustration, I might not have understood the premise.  That cleared things right up.

 

THE WILLING WITCHES OF STUD ISLAND

Man’s Action, April 1972

mansaction72apr witches

Yet another lucky male falling back-assward into a tribe of jungle nymphos.

Mental note: Need to get lost in jungles more often…. Preferably in places with names like “Stud Island”.

 

THE BLOOD-BATH OF THE LOVE-CRAZY COUNTESS!

Man’s Daring, Nov. 1961

177_Man's Daring61nov countess

The bald prisoner in the middle is obviously wondering what the problem is. Imprisoned by a hot nympho countess? There are worse things that could happen to you.

  • Cliff Walk

    I once saw a headline in supermarket tabloid back in the 1970s that read “UFOs hover over Elvis’ Grave”. I paged through the entire thing (standing there in line) and there was no such story inside.

    • Anoraks

      The aliens erased it!