“This young man is 11 months old – and he isn’t our youngest customer by any means. For 7-Up is so pure, so wholesome, you can even give to babies and feel good about it….”
Interestingly, when 7-Up started out, it was advertised to contain lithium. In fact, its original brand name was “Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda” (the “bib label” bit refers to the type of paper label on the bottles). Back then, lithium was praised for its calming effects: “Takes the ouch out of grouch” was an ad slogan. Unsubstantiated fact: the very name of the beverage is derived from the atomic weight of lithium (6.91 rounded up to 7).
“Every Sunshine Lamp gives all the health rays of sunshine – the important, luminous, stimulating Ultra Violet and penetrating Infra-Red rays…Tans them as brown as a vacation at the beach.”
As if the second hand smoke in those days wasn’t bad enough, they had to bombard the kids with UV and Infra-red radiation! A perfect compliment to Junior’s lead painted room with asbestos insulation and lithium infused 7-Up.
Do it, mom. Smoke those Marlboro cigarettes. Ivory tips or plain ends, it doesn’t matter – your babies just want you smoking. After all, you can’t afford not to.
Dear God.
It’s sort of a cross between a crib and a coffin. Check out the way mom closes the lid and covers the screen – completely enveloping her child in a claustrophobic shroud of darkness. Not unlike putting your child in a shipping crate….. just add packing peanuts!
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