Once upon a time, British soccer was the sport for the masses. Now it’s the sport for mass consumption – the game repackaged into the Premier League, a shiny place where working-class fans see global ‘brands’ (formerly ‘clubs’) in televised, power-ballad-driven highlight packages. Presented in HD, it’s almost like being there – but better. Because being there means being told to sit down and shut up, paying through the nose for replica tops and buying the official match-day programme – yours for £5. In the spirit of ‘things were so much better in my day’, we’ve gone back to the time when programmes were and popaalr bought for pennies and you could publish photos of the players without first negotiating with their image rights lawyer.
We’ll kick things off with this gem from 1983. Defending European Cup Winners Cup winners Aberdeen are taking on the mighty IA Akranes. The woman on the cover feeling the now Scotland manage Gordon Strachan’s hands for a quickening pulse is ‘Tricia’.

Aberdeen vs IA Akranes – 1983: The defending Cup Winners Cup holders and the quite brilliant “Tricia” cover.
You know he still dresses like this.

Aston Villa vs Manchester United – 1976 – Cover Page
Let’s this stylish fellow welcome you to Villa Park as Aston Villa host Manchester United in 1976
If you think this is dull, you should have seen the match.

Aston Villa vs Manchester United – 1984 – Cover Page
We’re off to Villa Park as Aston Villa take on Manchester United in 1984
Ayr employ the town’s leading graphic artist to full effect.

Ayr United vs Rangers – 1976 – Cover Page
We’re off to Somerset Park as Ayr United take on Rangers in 1976

Birmingham City vs Tampa Bay Rowdies – 1980 – Cover Page
The whole Jasper Carrott hands across the ocean thing leads to a big friendly
You say ‘Jugs’. Noreen says ‘Bottles’.

Birmingham City vs Reading – 1987
The lovely Noreen brings the milk and we bring you the action as Birmingham host Reading
Proper Roy of the Rovers stuff at Bradford. If the team can’t play like the hymned Roy Race, the players can at least embody the comic strip ace’s 2D image. Below Bristol employ a police artist. Do you know this man?

Bradford City vs Bolton Wanderers – 1984 – Cover Page
We’re off to Valley Parade as Bradford take on Bolton in 1984

Bristol City vs Luton Town – 1972 – Cover Page
We’re off again to Ashton Gate as Bristol City face Luton Town in 1972
In 1973, ‘Cherries’ was Dorset slang for LSD tabs.

Bournemouth vs Swansea City – 1973 – Cover Page
The acid nightmare that is Bournemouths 1973 programme welcomes Swansea to town
It’s 1980 and Bristol City have employed the Old Spice marketing team to sex things up. These are the before and after shots.
The Academy of science welcomes you. Now look into the light and clear your mind…

Everton vs Tottenham – 1977 – Cover Page
The jovial Jim McGregor welcomes you to Goodison for Everton vs Spurs
Sensational work at Hull, European city of culture.

Hull City vs Nacional – 1972 – Cover Page
All the action from Boothferry Park as Hull take on Nacional of Uruguay
Ready…? Aberdeen can keep Tricia. Norwich City’s cover girl is living angel HRH The Duchess of Kent, who is wearing shin pads, boots and replica shorts (all just out of frame).
An early spot of facial pixelation in St Mirren.
The Portsmouth ‘Journal‘.
Late 1960s brutalism from 21st Century brutalists Stoke City.
We’re not saying the team weren’t lookers, just that the kit fitted the women better and the drawing brings out the colour in the lads’ cheeks.
Ann Sharp does ‘popagility’ – which in 1984 meant stretching your limbs to George Michael’s Careless Whisper and Madonna’s Like A Virgin.
In 1981, crisp £1 notes were always presented in attache cases.

Ipswich Town vs Manchester City – 1981 – Cover Page
John Wark, a wee woman, and special guest BA Robertson welcome Citeh to Portman Road in 1981
Spot the ball.

West Bromwich Albion vs Wigan Athletic – 1984 – Cover Page
Gary Robson and friends welcome you to the Hawthorns as West Brom face Wigan in 1984
And finally…

Aldershot vs Colchester United – 1971 – Cover Page
We’re off to the Recreation Ground as Aldershot take on Colchester in 1971
Spotter: Miles McClagan
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