How to Get a Teen-Age Boy and What to Do with Him When You Get Him
by Ellen Peck (1969)
Let’s have a look inside at a few pages of this book written by a cougar who’s an expert at tracking down teenage boys. According to the back cover, it includes “Step by step stalking strategy”.
Below are some useful tables to help you on your quest for
statutory rape bagging your teenage boy.
“Usually Accurate Guide to Where and When a Pickup is OK”
Here we have a guide to where it’s safe to get your young man. It’s okay to meet at church, the swimming pool, sponsored dances, the opera and the kennel. Not okay to meet on elevated trains, movies, railroad terminals or elevators.
For yacht clubs, the author says “Heavens yes!”…. clearly, the risk outweighs the prospect of meeting somebody rich.
“Beachcomber’s Prop Guide for Better Boy Hunting”
Here we have a useful list of items to bring to the beach. Included are broken sunglasses (for the right guy to fix), underwear and a book of poetry.
Again, there is the disclaimer that any risk is worthwhile when scouting for rich men: “If you’re going to a private beach or pool – at a country club, for example – you can go alone. Nobody will be there that you shouldn’t talk to.”
The Male of the Species – Genus High School – Where to Track Him and How
Whether it’s a social reformer, superstar or egghead, Ellen Peck has a way for you to meet your man of any type – and that’s simply by being yourself.
Just kidding, it’s by totally pretending to be whoever will best attract your mate.
Ellen Peck’s advice on finding opportunities to meet this “Danny” are a combination of common sense and batshit stupid. For instance, she would have you interview Danny’s neighbors for the school paper, then use this as a conversation piece with Danny the next day…. huh?
Below is a maze, representing your crazy-insane obsession with Danny:
And for our last handy table from the book – a list of conversation topics to employ when talking to your teenage boy’s parents:
Summary: Avoid talking about Swedish movies with his parents. Play it safe and stick to topics like The U.S. Postal System.
Pictured above: Ellen Peck (obviously not the lady pictured on the book cover – Cheryl Tiegs) with feminist icon and Cosmo founder, Helen Gurley Brown.
Ellen Peck would have been almost thirty upon publication of this book. Three years later, Ellen Peck would found The National Organization for Non-Parents (N.O.N) to advance the notion that men and women could choose not to have children – to be childfree. Funnily, she would write a book called The Joy of the Only Child, five years after that. Apparently, that childfree shtick didn’t quite make it through the seventies.
Ellen Peck, herself, never had kids, and gained a bit of notoriety in the seventies for her stance on being childree – even showing up on Johnny Carson in 1971 and discussing the issue with fellow guest, Joe Namath.
Peck passed away in 1995. Thankfully, her wonderfully kitsch playbook lives on.