Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required

Lois Lane in the 1960s-70s: Superman’s Helpless Half-Wit

Share this:

lois lane (9)

Lois Lane was never the sharpest tool in the shed. Reading comics from the 1950s through the 70s, one starts to wonder if she has a mental disability of some kind. But, to be fair, you have to take these old comics in context – women in general weren’t exactly portrayed equitably back then. However, it’s still a lot of fun to look at these old Superman comics – especially the surprisingly long running Superman’s Girlfried: Lois Lane comics. Every issue is literally about (1) Lois’ undying devotion to her Man of Steel and (2) her retarded choices. Take for instance…

 

lois lane (10)

Really, Lois? You’re going to sign a scroll witnessed by “Satan, Prince of Darkness”? I have a nasty feeling this isn’t the smartest thing you’ve done all day.

 

lois 3

“Now that I have super-powers, you’ll want me for a wife!”

Lois Lane.  Setting Women’s Lib back a hundred years, one comic book at a time.

 

lois lane (8)

As usual, Lois is flailing about, getting injured (and as you’ll see, even dying at least a dozen times).     A couple questions though: (1) why did Superman make a giant stone model of Earth in the first place? (Does he have that kind of time on his hands?) and (2) How is it that he suddenly isn’t fast as a speeding bullet to come to her aid?…. it’s almost as if he wants to see her get hurt.    Hmmmm. Superman’s douche bag behavior is a troubling personality disorder that will rear its ugly head quite often as you’ll see.

 

lois_lane_013_00_fc

How dumb is Lois Lane?  This is a woman who literally wears a safe on her head.

 

lois lane (12)

His superhuman senses detect ‘serious commitment’ and ‘long term relationship’…. time to get the f**k out of Dodge!

In these old comics, Lois will stop at nothing to get the Man of Steel to be her husband…. whereas, as the panel above indicates, Supes wants none of that commitment stuff.

 

lois lane 4

Of course, let’s face it, The Man of Steel was no prize.  Watch as he maliciously enjoys the sight of Wonder Woman kicking his girlfriend’s ass.  What a douche.   (I would be remiss not to mention how Lois is rocking the miniskirt and fishnets in this 1969 issue)

 

lois lane (6)

Ever the jealous, self-conscious female.   I can only assume Lois is referring to boobs and ass in this panel.

 

lois lane (7)

In Superman’s Girlfriend: Lois Lane (No. 79, November 1967), Lois starts to freak out and have nightmares about a world where the ideal figure is skinny, and voluptuous chicks like Lois are considered fat. Oh, Lois. If you could only see the future – you ain’t seen nothin’ yet, babe.

 

lois lane (2)

Lest you think that Lois is some sort of spineless pushover, check this panel out.  After a catfight with arch-rival Lana, Lois is ready to straight up murder her ass!

Of course, this wasn’t the first nor the last time Lois would use deadly force to any woman who got between her and Supes…

 

lois murderer

You can only kill so many women, Lois, before the law catches up with you.  And not even the Dark Knight can save you from “the death house!”

 

lois

Yeah, did I mention Lois was highly emotional, prone to going medieval on your ass?

 

But far be it from me to lay all the stupidity Lois’ way – the entire Superman’s Girlfriend: Lois Lane comic series was cover to cover inanity. Take for instance Lois’ bathtub scenes…

lois lane (11)

Great Scot! What other devices did her “Super Hubby” build to provide Lois with her so-called “feminine occupations”? Only Miss Jingles knows for sure.

…. and speaking of Lois Lane bathtub scenes – Great Caesar’s Ghost! The picture below looks absolutely profane.

 

lois lane (1)

…blecch! Let’s move on and take a break from Lois’ sickening bathtub rituals…

lois lane (3)

Wait a minute… “I’m always bawling you out”? Basically, Supes doesn’t care for Lois’ shenanegans and is prone to put this chick in her place. ….I always pictured him more as a softy.

 

1970 LOIS LANE.

Another reference to her recklessness.  When guys do it, it’s bravery and fearlessness.  When Lois does it, it’s reckless.

 

lois_lane_1331

Look what you’ve done now, Lois!  If your foolish behavior can kill Superman, God only knows what you’d do to a normal human!

 

1972

Don’t beat yourself up over it, Superman.  She’d have probably accidentally killed herself soon anyway.  It was just a matter of time.

 

lois dead again

Like I said, Lois has a way of turning up dead.  (And who is this villain, anyway?  He looks like Sean Connery in Zardoz.)

 

lois dead again 2

Okay, now this is getting ridiculous.   How many times does this poor woman have to wind up dead before someone realizes she needs to change her lifestyle?

 

lois lane (5)

Easy does it, Lois. All he said is he wants a signal; you’re reading way too much into this.  He’s not that into you.

Perhaps, as a black woman, you’ll have more self-respect…

Lois black person

Do you find it a little strange that Superman owns a machine that can turn white people into black people?

 

Lois_interior2

Lois would get a reboot in the late Seventies with Superman: The Motion Picture, with Margot Kidder not being quite so hopelessly in love, and shockingly stupid.

They’d tried to update the character before…

lois freelancer

In 1972, they had Lois become a freelance journalist, no longer under the control of the male establishment.  She was her own woman now….. in tight hotpants and thigh high leather boots.

 

IMG_5411

Of course, we all know Supes was understanding of all of Lois’ problems because she stirred his Kryptonian loins like no other.  Here we get a rare glimpse at his (slightly disturbing) longings.

 

lois shark

“I found her boat – but where’s Lois?”

Ummm…. drowned…. about to be bitten in the crotch by a shark.    You asked.

 

lois in peril

Ahem.  To say Lois could get herself into some precarious situations would be a bit of an understatement.

 

lois 7

As usual – splayed, bound and gagged.    And, as usual, Superman is behaving like a douche.

 

lois in peril again

…. and yet again.

lois lane (4)

As you might have guessed, that button triggers the ejection seat. One wonders how long this woman would’ve lived had not The Man of Steel interceded  in many a potential Darwinian fatality…. perhaps, just once, he should have let Nature take its course.

 

lois dead

Trust me.  It was for the best.

THE END

  • AlanOne7

    Several of these look like the work of Neil Adams. So glad he moved on to better things (Batman!)

    Nice sideboob in the bathtub though (pic #13).

  • She also helped Pat Boone write and song got mad when a Nichols & May-like duo made a comedy LP about her extreme crush on Superman. I was doing a post on my blog earlier in the year about how the news media either doesn’t understand that comic books have the parallel words and “imaginary” stories and they repeat these things as a “drastic change in the comic book world.” During that time I saw some of the crazy stuff in the Lois Lane books that current news outlets could have had a field day reporting. Of course, when these stories were in print, the news media was covering important topics like Vietnam, civil rights and pollution. Also there were no nitwits to circulate this on social media saying, “What is the world coming to? Lois Lane is going to change into a black woman and then kill herself.”

    • Excellent point. News in the 70s was intended for grown-ups. Cronkite, Reasoner and Brinkley would never have uttered the word “Kardashian” and a Lois Lane story would’ve even been further off his radar.

  • Edo Bosnar

    The villain on the cover of Superman #281 actually turns out to be a hero (he and Supes became friends later); his name is Vartox.
    And good call on his resemblance to Zardoz – as far as I know, the similarity in appearance (and name for that matter) was deliberate.

  • Natasha Johnson

    After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr.Brave and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: bravespellcaster@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS WEBSITE ADDRESS is http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/ CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.

    HE IS SPECIALIZE IN THE THE FOLLOWING SPELL.

    (1) If you want your ex back.

    (2) if you always have bad dreams.

    (3) If you want to be promoted in your office.

    (4) If you want women/men to run after you.

    (5) If you want a child.

    (6) If you want to be rich.

    (7) If you want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.

    (8) If you need financial assistance.

    (9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money.

    (10) if you want to stop your divorce.

    (11) if you want to divorce your husband.

    (12) if you want your wishes to be granted.

    (13) Pregnancy spell to conceive baby

    (14) Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how what stage

    (15) Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart.

    (16) if you have any sickness like ( H I V ), (CANCER) or any sickness.

    (17) if you need prayers for deliverance for your child or yourself.

    once again make sure you contact him if you have any problem he will help you. his email address is ( bravespellcaster@gmail.com ) contact him immediately……..,,,,,