Programmed for Lameness: Awful Comic Book Covers Featuring Robots

What exactly does this Beverly Hillbillies robot intend to do with Granny once he’s taken her away? Let's try to find out...

There have been some cool comic book robots over the years – Vision, Red Tornado, Machine Man and Deathlok to name a few.  Let’s have a look at some old comic book covers featuring robots which are, perhaps, not so great.

What exactly does this Beverly Hillbillies robot intend to do with Granny once he’s taken her away?  Judging by its expression, I don’t think I want to know.

 

(L) Gee, robot, do you need a little alone time with that train? (R) Sumo Robot?  Does it come complete with loincloth?

 

Although these “Robotmen” evidently commit a “Masscre of Mankind”, they look a bit too ridiculous to inspire much fear.  They do have good taste in women though.

 

(L) That’s not how I remember Archie. (R) Magnus, sporting a pair of sexy white go-go boots for robot fighting.

 

“Secret of the Iron Chief” – the secret being that he’s iron, I guess?

 

(L) Apparently, Doc is a bit of a freak.  He’s got that “metal fever”.  (R) Jetman and his robot seem to be powered by fart bubbles.  Brilliant.

Umm… what are they doing to this guy’s groin?  Robot Kid: “You didn’t see nuthin!”

 

It was bad enough that Professor Stuart had to turn him into a robot, but did he have to add insult to injury by adding a little green light on top of his head?

 

(L) Just noticed there is a man located where the robot’s prostate would be.  (R) Why is this robot called “Junk Man”? Is it because it’s programmed to stomp on Superman’s junk?

 

This robot isn’t even wireless!

 

Another pathetic robot; at least this one doesn’t have to be plugged in (and he looks a lot like Bender from Futurama).  C’mon, robots – you’ve got to up your game!

 

(L) Finally, a schematic diagram of Robotman!…. oh, wait.  Looks like we won’t be needing that diagram after all. (R) This may be the strangest robot cover of the bunch.  “Birthday Cake for a Cannibal Robot”?  What is even going on here? The mind reels.

 

I did a double-take looking at the “N”.  What exactly is going on in the “N”?

 

(L) “..an army of 500,000 robots”…. I count six.  (R) It looks like, instead of the robot, she’s punched this guy in the arse.

 

Rob0-Cop: “Curses that I’m not ‘Robo-EMT’!”

 

“Featuring Steel Sterling, Man of Steel”…. Isn’t there another comic book hero going by that nickname?  His name’s on the tip of my tongue.

 

So what’s Neutro’s super power?  That he doesn’t have a moral compass?

 

Well, we’ve looked at enough oddball robots for today – let’s end on a positive note, and what could be better than a robot Elvira?  Cheers.