CREEM Profiles: One-Page Spotlights of 1970s-80s Musicians

"I've seen the future of rock 'n' roll.  It's Kraftwerk.  Now leave me alone, pleeeez." - Bruce Springsteen

With each issue of CREEM magazine came the one-page spotlight of a particular artist, called “CREEM PROFILES”.  Let’s have a look at a few from the late seventies to early eighties (with my favorite lines featured below each page).  Enjoy.

July 1977 – Ian Anderson

HOME: Where Ted Nugent would have lived 700 years ago.

HOBBIES: Catching rabid foxes, ear abuse, collecting antique guns and eating Pakistanis.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Stopped talking long enough to conceive a human child.

PROFILE: … half breed knight-errant bent on saving the world from blue denim and helping white people not to play the blues.

 

January 1978 – Iggy Pop

HOME: Anywhere the trailer hitch drops.

PROFESSION: Hey, I invented this thing. It’s my prerogative to destroy it.

PROFILE: The man who made it happen teamed up with the man who fell to earth to kick the Eighties into gear ten years ahead of schedule…

 

February 1978 – Bruce Springsteen

QUOTE: I’ve seen the future of rock ‘n’ roll.  It’s Kraftwerk.  Now leave me alone, pleeeez.

 

April 1978 – Foghat

HOBBIES: Crashing Styx concerts; mung painting; collecting newspapers; getting to know Bouviers.

LAST BOOK READ: On A Clear Day You Can See Forever by Foghorn Leghorn.

 

April 1979 – Cheap Trick

HOBBIES: Vacationing near nuclear test sites; scraping solidified sweat from concert hall floors for use making records; forcefully clothing every man, woman and child in America with their t-shirt garments; sending away for Christian marital aids.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Slept together in one bed without any evidence of lunar secretions.

 

July 1980 – The Specials

HOME: Wherever they hang their pork pie hats.

PROFESSION: Sensual simian shoe shufflers.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Paid for their barber’s Jamaican vacation.

 

November 1980 – Dave Edmunds

HOME: Plynth-yndyr-Ryvyera-Ryckfyelyd, Wales

AGE: Decreases proportionately as Nick Lowe’s increases.

LAST BOOK READ: How To Use a $20 Million Dollar Recording Studio To Produce The Sound of Scratchy 78s by Blind Boy Strummer.

 

 

February 1981 – Ray Davies

HOME: Where white suits come from.

HOBBIES: Collecting and exhibiting his bow tie collection; sleepwalking; buying out of print Kinks klassics; fighting with his brother Dave; cashing Van Halen, Knack and Pretenders royalty checks; modeling tasteful bondage gear.

 

August 1981 – Jerry Lee Lewis

HOBBIES: Playing pianos, kicking pianos, smashing pianos, burning pianos, destroying pianos.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Outraging the entire Western world by introducing his 13-year-old bride, who also happened to be his cousin, before bothering to divorce his first two wives.

QUOTE: Elvis who?

 

September 1981 – Fridays

Fridays was CBS’s answer to Saturday Night Live.  It featured Michael Richards (Kramer from “Seinfeld” and Larry David (“Seinfeld” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm”); it’s hilarious to see them in the photo below, looking so …. lets just say different.

HOME: The network that brought you The Love Boat

LAST BOOK READ: The Perfect Audience: Just A Bunch Of Drunk Teenagers Who Can’t Even Change Channels by Bob Eubanks.