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Woman’s Day Magazine Scan: December 1985

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Sure, dad looks a little bit like a psychopath, and mom’s sanity is clearly hanging by a thread, but that’s just part of the magic of the holidays.

Let’s take a look at a Christmas issue of Woman’s Day magazine from December 3rd, 1985 and see what they had to offer ladies of the mid-eighties.  Enjoy!


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I simply wasn’t into this stuff in my teenage years, so I have absolutely no memory of a Dynasty II featuring Chuck Heston.  Seems like a crummy career choice for a dude who was A List for the two decades prior.


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Look closely and you can actually see the Spunky Chunks.


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Not only is it comfortable, but you can sit far away from your spouse or sibling.  Relax with a glass of wine with your annoying husband seemingly miles away.


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Can someone please pass the cheese and salsa? – those Mexican Grabbits need a little something, don’t you think? They’re just big wads of meatloaf betwixt a taco shell.


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Merry Christmas! We come bearing a shitload of houseplants and pocketfuls of sausages.


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“Nothing beats a great pair of legs” – truer words were never uttered by man.


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It’s 1985 – sparkly bow ties are officially “in”.


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Hey it’s just like an old timey gas station with full service and numbers that go round…. oh, wait – that’s what gas stations were like in 1985.  God I’m old.


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It’s 1985 – what’s this lad singing?  My guess is “Careless Whisper” or “I Want to Know What Love Is”.


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Is it just me, or are you also sad that the box of Alpha Keri conceals a glimpse of ass?  “Keri is so very” in the f***ing way.


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“Iron letters on bought pyjamas” to say “Mom”, “Dad” and… “Peanut”?


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I haven’t looked in a Woman’s Day in thirty years, so I can’t say for sure, but I would be surprised to see Christian depictions of Christmas in the magazine today.

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They didn’t have the terminology for it back then, but today we call it the RBF (Resting Bitch Face).


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“We girls can do anything.  Right, Barbie!”

Hey, wait a minute.  Isn’t that a little politically incorrect?  Boys may want to play with Barbies too, dammit! Time to sue Mattel for making my effeminate son have self-esteem issues.


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Hey, look.  You can store a single cherry tomato in your storage bag.  Just eat the damn tomato, Dom!


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Ah, hosiery.  It still hasn’t made the comeback in the States as I was hoping.  Although, there is cause for optimism.


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And finally, here’s the cover in case you care.  Happy Holidays!

  • Glen Davis

    Charlton Heston fell off the A-list after 1980’s The Awakening and got demoted to TV. It happens to a lot entertainers.