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Vinyl Atrocities: More Awful and Unsightly Album Covers

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We’ve covered the topic of vinyl embarrassments many times before (here and here, for instance), yet the well never seems to run dry.  No matter how many horrific album covers we dredge up, there’s always plenty more to be found.  So, sit back and enjoy another round.

 

bad cover

This album comes with more than 100 photos…. let’s just hope they’re not of this family – I don’t know if I could take it.  The sight of them belting out “Let Me Be Your Fantasy” might be a little much.

 

LOS KENTON A La Cabeza

I’m fine with this cover, but my only question is how the tiny versions of Tito, Raffy and Luis manage to not sink down into their afros.

 

Eddie Rabbitt, Radio Romance, 1982

 

I wonder how many kids picked up on this album’s play on words.

 

PROFESOR VELLANOWETH Gimnasia en su hogar

This 1978 Mexican LP is by a Profesor Frederico Vellanoweth , who I assume is that creepy guy in the background.

 

1980

I’m sure there’s some deeply religious meaning in Run Toward the ROAR (1980), but those that remember Tammy in the 1980s will be secretly hoping for a horrific mauling.

 

Chagrin D'Amour French 1982

Nothing particularly awful about this 1982 cover of the French group Chagrin D’Amour.  God knows, there’s been plenty of musicians who’ve done the Black & White nude thing (ex. John and Yoko, Lindsey and Stevie).  But then you flip the cover over….

Chagrin D'Amour French 1982 back

There’s a statement being made here.  I’m sure of it.  I just can’t get past the yuck.

I would be remiss not to mention that Chagrin D’Amour are cited as the first to record a rap song in France.

 

SANTOS COLON Para Recordar

Santos looks happy as can be, but I’m not sure I can say the same for his partner.  Is she upset?  Has he just given her a roofie?  What’s the story here – should I call the police?

 

$_57 (5)

Bob and the band were unhappy with the cover for their first album to be released outside of Jamaica, stating that they were not consulted and that it clashed with the sensibilities of their music.   But they were stuck with it – as they say,  “Yu spread yu bed hard yu afe lie down in it”.

 

the entertainers

As unbelievably horrible as this album cover is, it does earn points for referencing “Birdie Num Mum”, that classic bit of Peter Sellers comedy from The Party.

Of course, Sellers was no stranger to the bad record sleeve…

1960

As far as I’m concerned, any album cover with Sophia Loren on the cover is a good album cover….. unless it has the floating head of a randy Peter Sellers.

 

nora

At home with Nora… and her giant purple… things.

 

PIN-UPS Take One Danish Power Pop Punk LP 1981 Brats

The concept is fine.  The guys’ caked on foundation, mascara, blush, and lipstick, not so much.

 

LOLITA DE LA COLINA Usted y yo

What can one say about Lolita and her wire frame spectacles?  She can feather her hair, wear glossy lipstick, and put on a nice pink shirt – but it will always – ALWAYS – be about those wire frame spectacles.

 

tunisia

It’s a shame your holiday in Tunisia had to end in death.

 

one in a mill

Two in a Million sing their hit song “One in a Million”…… I’m taking this as a cryptic message that this duo will soon be breaking up.  Damn you, Yoko!

 

conjunto

Okay, just so we’re on the same page:  There is a guy behind this senorita, presumably nose-deep in her backside… to which he signals us the “thumbs up”.  Do I have this right? Just making sure.

 

$_57 (1)

You know my feelings about clowns.  This is just disturbing.

 

CHEITO GONZALEZ Y SU TRIO La Voz Inolvidable de Cheito

Creepy dolls are no prize either. (shudder)

  • Liz Cooper

    A couple of questions… First, is that a c-section scar on the Chagrin D’amour cover lady? And is she tweaking his nipple, or trying to squirt it? And continuing the baby theme, is Jimmy Campbell’s clown girlfriend pregnant? Is he saying the bun in the oven is Half Baked? Is it just me, or is that yucky? And will the baby be born with a white face and painted-on frown? So many of these covers leave me with more questions than answers. I don’t even want to hear the album, but I just want to understand the covers.

    On the other hand, I like “At Home With Nora.” That cover is satisfactorily straight-forward (if ugly).