WANT to have a home library that will horrify guests and embarrass family? Well there’s a few “must haves” that you’ll need to add to your shameful collection.
1. Shindai: The Art of Japanese Bed-Fighting
Impress your partner with your new-found ability of Japanese Bed-Fighting. Imagine the romance that will ensue when, instead of lovemaking, you deliver a scissor punch to the back of her neck.
2. The Haunted Gay
I’ve read many a story of haunted houses, haunted graveyards, haunted railway stations, haunted lighthouses…. this, I have to admit, is a first.
3. Bathrooms and Kitchens
If you’re going to publish a book highlighting the wonderful kitchen and bathroom furnishings of Kohler, it seems only natural to feature a semi-nude child emerging from a shower while a gentleman in the shadows smiles creepily.
4. Amorous Dietitian
We’ve heard all about the amorous adventures of doctors and nurses. It’s about time those lusty dietitians get their due! Soon to be followed by the Horny Phlebotomist.
5. Sexless Lovers: Love Methods of Eunuchs
Next time you have company over, lay this one out on the coffee table. Watch the guests get nervous and fidgety.
6. Rubber Dolly
It would seem Rubber Dolly needs an extension cord. Should’ve splurged and got the battery powered Dolly.
7. The Juice of Love
The Juice of Love? Um, no thanks… I’ll just have water.
8. The Pocket Book of Boners
Yes, I understand “boner” doesn’t necessarily mean an erection. However, I still laugh reflexively every time I see this book. Don’t judge me. It’s a sickness.
9. The Penetrator
Don’t screw with the Penetrator. He’s a private dick with a gun of steel and balls to match, and it’s cocked and ready to blow. Don’t miss the explosive climax.
Did I miss any double entendres?
10. Uncle Good’s Weekend Party
… and by “party” we mean standing creepily by your niece’s bedroom, staring lustfully.
11. Wild Paths to Choose
“A probing psychological drama of one man’s fight against a band of ruthless homosexuals”
Yes, those roaming bands of homosexuals are really a menace to society. Will we ever be free of these marauding hordes of gays?
12. The Horse is Dead
Spoiler alert – a certain horse does not live to see the end of this novel.
13. Invasion of the Nymphomaniacs
We’re being invaded by nymphomaniacs? The rest of you, save yourselves. I’ll try to keep them occupied as long as I can.
14. The Cruel Cocks
Don’t miss the sequel: The Absentminded Vaginas.
15. The Masturbators
“This bold book looks hard at the secret practices, the secret life, of the masturbators.”
This book makes beating off sound like a secret underground cult. Is masturbation a secret ritual devised by the Knights Templar to summon the ancient power of Horus? Tossing off never sounded so mysterious.