The Downside of Literacy: 15 Cringeworthy Books For Your Home Library

WANT to have a home library that will horrify guests and embarrass family?  Well there’s a few “must haves” that you’ll need to add to your shameful collection.

 

1. Shindai: The Art of Japanese Bed-Fighting

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Impress your partner with your new-found ability of Japanese Bed-Fighting.  Imagine the romance that will ensue when, instead of lovemaking, you deliver a scissor punch to the back of her neck.

2. The Haunted Gay

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I’ve read many a story of haunted houses, haunted graveyards, haunted railway stations, haunted lighthouses…. this, I have to admit, is a first.

 

3. Bathrooms and Kitchens

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If you’re going to publish a book highlighting the wonderful kitchen and bathroom furnishings of Kohler, it seems only natural to feature a semi-nude child emerging from a shower while a gentleman in the shadows smiles creepily.

 

4. Amorous Dietitian

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We’ve heard all about the amorous adventures of doctors and nurses.  It’s about time those lusty dietitians get their due! Soon to be followed by the Horny Phlebotomist.

 

5.  Sexless Lovers: Love Methods of Eunuchs

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Next time you have company over, lay this one out on the coffee table.  Watch the guests get nervous and fidgety.

 

6. Rubber Dolly

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It would seem Rubber Dolly needs an extension cord. Should’ve splurged and got the battery powered Dolly.

 

7. The Juice of Love

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The Juice of Love?  Um, no thanks… I’ll just have water.

 

8. The Pocket Book of Boners

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Yes, I understand “boner” doesn’t necessarily mean an erection.  However, I still laugh reflexively every time I see this book.  Don’t judge me.  It’s a sickness.

 

9. The Penetrator

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Don’t screw with the Penetrator. He’s a private dick with a gun of steel and balls to match, and it’s cocked and ready to blow. Don’t miss the explosive climax.

Did I miss any double entendres?

 

10. Uncle Good’s Weekend Party

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… and by “party” we mean standing creepily by your niece’s bedroom, staring lustfully.

 

11. Wild Paths to Choose

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“A probing psychological drama of one man’s fight against a band of ruthless homosexuals”

Yes, those roaming bands of homosexuals are really a menace to society.  Will we ever be free of these marauding hordes of gays?

 

12. The Horse is Dead

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Spoiler alert – a certain horse does not live to see the end of this novel.

 

13. Invasion of the Nymphomaniacs

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We’re being invaded by nymphomaniacs? The rest of you, save yourselves. I’ll try to keep them occupied as long as I can.

 

14. The Cruel Cocks

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Don’t miss the sequel: The Absentminded Vaginas.

 

15. The Masturbators

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“This bold book looks hard at the secret practices, the secret life, of the masturbators.”

This book makes beating off sound like a secret underground cult. Is masturbation a secret ritual devised by the Knights Templar to summon the ancient power of Horus? Tossing off never sounded so mysterious.