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Polyester Prayers: Gospel Family Album Covers of the Seventies

By on 14 April 2014 | comments 5

THE 1970s was a decade set ablaze with countless Jesus Freaks and Holy Rollers cranking out an untold number of gospel records.  There seemed no end to the number of artists Bound for Glory and preaching the Good Word.  What holds them all together is not only their brand of music, but also their total inability to produce an album cover that is not jarringly awkward.   The hideous fashions, the frightening hair styles, the creepy vibes… each one is a tiny miracle of condensed tackiness and unease. Hallelujah!

 

religious family album (15)

The Farr Family – Family Portrait

 

I guess the glory of the Lord is so bright; four of the six bespectacled Farr boys had their lenses tinted.  The top-center Farr is simply majestic – the mighty ‘fro helmet is a thing of heavenly beauty.

The Disciples – Redeemed – How I Love to Proclaim It!

The Disciples – Redeemed – How I Love to Proclaim It!

 

Looks like one of the Disciples didn’t get the memo.  Everyone’s dressed alike, and then there’s her.  Her frozen smile seems to say, “Kill me, now, Lord.”

 

The Goodmans - 99 44/100%

The Goodmans – 99 44/100%

 

I can’t help but be a little curious (and afraid) of what accounts for that missing 56/100th!  

 

religious family album (12)

 

Any resemblance between the Yost girls’ wardrobe and the upholstery of their home furnishings is purely coincidental.

 

religious family album (9)

 

Featuring “I’ve Tasted and I Know the Lord is Good” (However, He did need a little salt.)  I would be remiss if I didn’t say that Mama Rathbun’s bouffant is nothing short of incredible. It’s like a giant black monolith set against a sea of plaid.

 

The Singing Ledbetters – Mother’s Prayer

The Singing Ledbetters – Mother’s Prayer

 

I’m beginning to wonder if the giant hair thing was just a ploy to get just a few inches closer to heaven.  Well played, Ledbetter ladies.  Well played.

 

The Ron Patty Family – From Our House to Yours

The Ron Patty Family – From Our House to Yours

 

This is truly an anomaly among gospel family album covers – the kids are actually dressed like normal 70s kids!  Surely Yahweh will smite them down for such blasphemous apparel.

 

The Lutke Family Singers- We Come with Music

The Lutke Family Singers- We Come with Music

 

And they come with fashions only God could forgive… and even He is a little upset.  It’s a miracle He didn’t decide to flood the planet again – although, it would have been just punishment for the Lutke’s wardrobe sins.

 

The Singing Kolenda Family – Jesus on my Mind

The Singing Kolenda Family – Jesus on my Mind

 

The only thing more fertile than that garden was Mr. Kolenda himself.

 

Real Happiness and Missie – We Found Happiness

Real Happiness and Missie – We Found Happiness

 

Add this to the mounds of proof that Paul is Dead.  You see his abandoned bass guitar leaning against the fence?  “We found Happiness” – well, what is happiness but a “warm gun”?  Obviously, they shot Paul and now little Missie waters his grave.

 

The Family of God Singers – Living in Canaan Now

The Family of God Singers – Living in Canaan Now

 

Apparently, leisure suits are “in” in Cana.

 

Stand Still and See His Glory – The Witmer Trio

Stand Still and See His Glory – The Witmer Trio

 

Last I checked, a trio isn’t composed of five members.  Maybe they couldn’t “stand still” long enough to get an accurate head count.

Jesus is not amused.

  • MasterSkrain

    AAUGH!! That Hair!!
    Kill it! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

  • Doobie Brothers

    Excellent.

  • Morey Soffo

    I once heard a comedian say that the reason we had so much sex in the 70′s was because we would do anything to get out of those God-awful clothes.

  • lee451

    I guess they can’t all be “Johnny Bravo”.

  • Mapster68

    Those “bouffants” the ladies are sporting, we used to call that “Baptist Hair” in Okie land – seemed to be a requirement or something…..