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Enter the Wild and Wicked World of Honky-Tonk Piano Records

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Admittedly, “Honky-Tonk Piano” doesn’t exactly spring to mind when I think of wild and sexy album covers.  Yet, the honky-tonk genre records really “sold the sizzle” and made damn sure every cover was brimming with cheesecake and decadent fun.

To be accurate, these so-called “honky-tonk” albums were really ragtime music, but who cares about taxonomy when nearly every cover features a smoking hot saloon girl!  Yes, the saloon girl was a staple on honky-tonk piano covers who inexplicably claw, fondle and drool all over the pianists.  No rock star ever experienced such sexual power through music as the honky-tonk pianist, who each seem to have a bizarre nickname.  Come see for yourself…

 

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Move over Gene Simmons and Ted Nugent, here comes Crazy Fritz, and he’s got this saloon girl all hot and bothered with his imaginary piano.

 

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The “Old Professor” looks tame enough… but when the camera is off, this honky tonk pianist makes Mick Jagger look like a choirboy.

 

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Welcome to the sinful world of sex, drugs and honky tonk piano.  Children, cover your eyes.

 

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My understanding is that this LP is the one that started it all.  This is to honky tonk piano what Black Sabbath is to metal.

 

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I hope this woman understands she’s walking into a room occupied by “The Crazy Guy”.

 

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You can keep your electric guitars – blondes prefer honky tonk piano.  As for brunettes and gingers – do you really have to ask?  I think we’ve established chicks of all kinds go wild for the exotic sounds of honky tonk piano.

 

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One wonders how “Ace” and his colleagues managed to play a single key with so many scantily clad women fawning over them at all times.  I understand the sultry notes of the honky tonk piano are irresistible, but, ladies, let the men play!

 

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Pants often weren’t worn by honky tonk pianists.  Such were their decadent ways.

 

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Some honky tonk pianists were so badass, they had not one, but two nicknames.  “Knuckles” O’Toole” also answers to “Mr. Honky Tonk”.

 

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And, so we meet again, “The Crazy Guy”.  What he lacks in creative nickname origination, he makes up for in mad honky tonk skills.

 

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Nick breaks a time-honored tradition of setting the honky tonk cover in a saloon/barrelhouse.  Yet, the innate sex appeal of the honky tonk piano still stands strong no matter the time and place.

 

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Joe “Fingers”, “Knuckles” O’Toole, The Crazy Guy, The Old Professor…. I love these honky tonk monikers.    This next guy takes a couple from each and, presto, “Knuckle Fingers Joe”….

 

honky tonk piano (4) Knuckle Fingers Joe wears a hat to shield his eyes from the constant cleavage.  Knuckle Fingers has a job to do.

 

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Honky Tonk God, thy name is Barrel Fingers Barry.

  • Archie Dux

    Can verify: Knuckles O’Toole was a badass. Source: Own a Knuckles O’Toole album.