Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required

Drive the Chicks Wild! Vintage Menswear Adverts

By on 26 June 2014 | comments 0

drive chicks wild (1)

 

THE obvious way to sell men’s clothing is to proclaim that the garments will somehow turn the average guy into an irresistible Studasaurous.  From the late Sixties to early Eighties, when Baby Boomers were in their sexual prime, this marketing tactic went into hyperdrive.  Boomers were ready to mate, and menswear adverts proclaimed that their apparel was the gateway to sweet, sweet lovemaking.  Here are a few examples.

 

drive chicks wild (5)

 

 

Translation: Cotler pants will get you laid by a hot model, guaranteed.

[Disclaimer:  You also have to drive a cool motorcycle and look like an Adonis.  Otherwise, you can probably forget it – these are blue jeans, not magic fertility slacks.]

 

 

drive chicks wild (4)

Reggie Jackson was no Wilt Chamberlain, but he still had lots to smile about in the 70s.

 

Here’s another advert that should come with a disclaimer:  “Claims of ‘scoring’ only apply if you are a Hall of Fame baseball player with thick wads of cash.  Otherwise, these are just normal jeans.”

 

 

drive chicks wild (6)

 

Nothing drives women wild like a tight fitting terry-cloth jumpsuit.  As an added bonus, the super absorbent towel-like fabric can clean up any spills or messes in a jiffy!  And with the “turn on power” of terry-cloth, there’s bound to be plenty of mess to clean up.

 

 

 

drive chicks wild (3)

Garantito Che Ti Guardano (Italian) – Guaranteed That They Look At You

 

 

Facis Ventanni shirts will turn women into sex animals, clawing and braying for your manhood.  That’s because our shirts have powerful pheromones woven right into the fabric.  [Warning: Facis Ventanni shirts may cause genital exhaustion.]

 

 

drive chicks wild (1)

 

 

When you wear Wrangler Wrelaters, there will always be a sexy female close behind.  So, be careful – it could lead to Wromance….. or Wrape.

 

 

drive chicks wild (9)

 

You’ll notice that men in these adverts come in only two varieties: (1) about to get laid and giddily grinning, or (2) about to get laid but maintaining a stoic über-cool composure.

 

 

drive chicks wild (2)

 

 

“SHERADES.  Give the right signal and you win.  Paula.  Or Jean.  But if you don’t want to play our way… take off our pants and go home.”

Only during a Sexual Revolution do adverts for men’s slacks provide instructions for turning charades into a sex game.

 

 

drive chicks wild (3)

 

 

With so many fully naked women throwing themselves onto Yartex shirts, it started to become a serious health and hygiene issue for men.  We are proud to announce that Yartex clothing now is made with antibacterial fabric, so the nude chicks can still rub themselves upon you, while you relax in disinfected comfort!

 

 

drive chicks wild (2)

 

 

This Angels Flight advert is my favorite of them all.  No beating around the bush – it’s spelling it as clear as crystal: These pants are made for lovin’.

“If you’re lucky enough to have a lean, trim, hard body, make the most of it.  Get into Angels Flight pants and turn the ladies on….. The fit is so snug and provocative it’s downright sinful.  You’ll even feel sexier wearing them.  Add a matching vest and blazer and you’ll have to fight the girls off.”

 

 

 

drive chicks wild (8)

Well, we could throw adverts at you all day, but we’ll stop here.  Suffice it to say, men’s clothing is basically marketed as tools for securing the undying affection of ladies.  Were it not for this compulsion, men would roam the earth in sweatpants and smelly t-shirts.  We need these adverts to remind us of why we button our shirts and starch our collars – to drive the chicks wild.