Are we to believe the Seven Castaways, trapped together on this desert island for several years, never indulged in a little naughtiness? Of course not. God only knows what kind of funny business went on behind the scenes. In this exposé, we have put the surviving film to heavy in-depth analysis and come up with some rather compelling proof that things weren’t quite as wholesome as we were led to believe…
What in the name of —? You can brush it off as an innocent drawing of sap from a tree. But I think you know that isn’t true.
The first step is coming to terms with the fact that these Castaways were human, with human urges…
The Skipper is nearly cold busted. In the early days, the Castaways hadn’t yet succumbed to their urges. There was still a pretence of self-control. But they were a long, long way from a world where that code of conduct applied. This was Lord of the Flies; the old rules soon went bye-bye. The Skipper wasn’t hiding it any more…
The look in the Skipper’s eye – this man has had quite enough of holding it in. The girls are afraid – this isn’t the safe tropical paradise they thought it was. Things are about to get real.
Next it was Ginger’s turn to succumb to tropical passions. After all, she was the personification of Deadly Sin “Lust” according to show’s creator Sherwood Schwartz.
(For those who have forgotten their classwork: Mary Anne – Envy, Ginger – Lust, Mr Howell – Anger, Mrs Howell – Greed, Gilligan – Sloth, The Skipper – Gluttony, and lastly, the intellectual snob Professor – Pride).
With Ginger’s sexual awakening on full display, it wasn’t long before Mary Ann followed suit.
But what of the Professor? Surely, this Man of Science knew better than to involve himself in such destructive behavior? Think again.
Onscreen, the Prof appeared to be a mild mannered academic; like Spock, free of useless emotion, a man of imperturbable level-headedness, It’s true – he was a Renaissance Man, able to craft high technology from coconut shells and papaya seeds. However, deep down, he was still a man…
And what of Mr. Howell? Yes, he was a man too…
Naturally, now that passions were unleashed among several of the Castaways, this created all kinds of tensions on the island. Often, violence would erupt…
Thankfully, the flames were quenched as quickly as they were ignited. Often, what followed these heated encounters was an equally heated reconciliation (not fit for family viewing).
It should also be mentioned that there were other inhabitants of the Island…
These natives, uninhibited in the ways of lovemaking, were only too willing to join in the fun.
So, other than Mrs. Howell (who thankfully turned a blind eye to the goings on), the last to submit was the island’s namesake – Gilligan.
With the shackles of supposed proper behavior fully broken, the two Harpies go after the last remaining celibate. But even this mildly retarded First Mate isn’t immune to the unfolding hedonism.
But these don’t quite know what they’ve unleashed….
The ladies had unwittingly awoke a slumbering monster; a sexual predator run amok…
They were no longer safe. An innocent yoga session is interrupted by a voyeuristic madman in a red shirt.
Caught again. Don’t ask what’s on his face. Just don’t ask.
As you can see, eventually Gilligan would shave his head Travis Bickle style and things just came to a rather unhappy end.
Well it was the ’60s.
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