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20 Unsightly, Godawful, and Objectively Terrible Vinyl Record Covers from Around the World

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Hey, I get it – due to budget and varying degrees of skill, all album covers can’t be Sgt. Pepper… and I’m glad it’s so.  Terrible album covers are much funner to look at.

So, here is another gallery of bad record covers in no particular order (and at the bottom of this article are links to more bad album cover fun) – gathered from the four corners of the world.  Sure, it’s a subjective thing – one man’s bad cover art is another man’s Vinyl van Gogh. One thing that can’t be disputed, however, is that they are  a joy to behold….

(1) Max Tailleur – Sex Uit ‘t Vuistje (Netherlands)

 

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Are you as disturbed as I am?  It kinda looks like this giant creepy guy is going to eat this naked chick.  I wonder what the other girl is whispering in his ear.  Any theories?

(2) The Fevers – The Fevers (Brazil -1985)

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Tip to the ladies: If you see a group of guys get this hot and bothered over a dirty magazine, run in the opposite direction as fast as your little legs will carry you.

(3) Diane Dufresne – A Part De D’Ça, J’Me Sens Ben (Canada – 1973)

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So Diane Dufresne decided, for her back cover, she’d paint her boobs with the fleur de lis and stand in front of a bunch of children.  Mistake?  I

(4) Titti Sotto ‎– Borinquen Disco Party (Mexico – 1980)

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(rubbing eyes) Am I really seeing this?  It’s a frog dressed like John Travolta pointing up under a woman’s dress.  Amazing!

(5) Enrique y Ana – Baila Con El Hula-Hoop (Spain – 1979)

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I’m sure it’s just a harmless, innocent record cover… yet creepy it remains.

(6) Hans Ländler – Prosit!  (France)

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I’m going to go out on a limb and guess they’d already put a few beer steins under their belt before they came up for this cover concept.  Oddly enough, this is a French recording.

(7) Lisandro Meza – La Muerte de Tite  (Columbia – 1993)

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“The Murder of Titus” from the album Macho.  Words fail me.

(8) Conjunto Quisqueya – Con Su Brindis (Puerto Rico)

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Aw.  They made a little chair for him to sit on with their hands and arms.  Judging by the sheepish grin from the fella on the bottom left, they realized pretty quick that this was a terrible idea.  Alas, it was too late.

(9) Tony Bell – Pikant, Hé! (Belgium – 1981)

bad-vinyl-record-cover-7 I don’t speak Dutch, but I believe this has a translation to something like “Delicious!”  I wouldn’t put this up there with The Beatles’ Revolver or Santana’s Abraxas – but it’s in the running.

(10) Francis Lai – Vu De La-Haut/New York (France – 1980)

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It’s as if they initially intended the dame to be naked, but last-minute second-thoughts.  The artist quickly colored her “bodysuit” (on the LP:, she’s it’s purple) and added some wrinkles around the butt to appease the censors.

(11) Casildo y sus Villanos – La Inyecion de Peña

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Just a tad troubling.

(12) Jean Malo – Révélation De L’année (Canada – 1970)

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What the – ?

(13) Zaleha Hamid Dan Jasni – Murid Sekolah (Malaysia)

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This roughly translates to “school child” – and, indeed, here we have a schoolboy whipping a schoolgirl with a stick.

(14) Festivals de Bandas

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I can appreciate some vinyl cheesecake as much as anyone – but you can’t deny this is amazingly awful.  We have a girl climbing through an old tuba. No entiendo!

(15) Helmut Seiffert Und Wolfgang Reich ‎– Ich Könnt’ Schon Wieder (Germany – 1974)

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Wolfgang wants none of it, but Helmut is “all in”… is there a backstory here that I’m missing? It roughly translates to “I could go back”.

(16) ? – Japan

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This is how almost all 1980s Japanese albums look to me: straight-up batshit crazy.  I can’t tell what’s going on, or what the text says, but I know it’s just beyond insane.  A whole article on these Japanese oddities coming soon – but until then, here’s one more…

(17) ? – Japan

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A man with a Pac-Man shaped watermelon head is biting a girl’s ass…. just a normal, run-of-the-mill record cover in Japan.

(18) Mija Aleksić ‎– Seks I Keks (Yugoslavia – 1969)

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You’ll note a preponderance of pervy old dudes in today’s collection; an odd theme shared around the world.  The languages may be different, but the horny men stay the same.

(19) Willem De Wipper ‎– Catootje In De Sexboetiek (Netherlands – 1974)

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It looks like Snoopy is molesting this poor woman. Heel, boy! Heel!

(20) Carlo Trenta & the Demons – Tough Boy, Rock Da Box (US – 1981)

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And with this incomprehensibly awful entry from the U.S., I’ll end our globetrotting tour of bad vinyl covers.  Until next time.

 

More bad covers here:

  • njguy54

    You would think you couldn’t go wrong with an attractive naked lady on your album cover (even the very MILF-y #15), but I guess not. And the Japanese covers are so wonderfully… Japanese.

    And that’s quite the logo on #19…

  • Freakanatcha

    Looking forward to the Japan post, especially if it includes some bizarre anime.

  • Archie Dux

    I am going to respectfully disagree with some of your selections. Tuba chicks are hot, even with Hindenburg spike helmets.

  • Dave Handerson

    I’d be interested in actually hearing some tracks from these records…

  • Steve Mills

    You were once a boy the age of those surrounding Diane Dufresne, so you know how many tents have magically popped up around her.